End it

The urge to commit suicide is strong tonight.

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Well, that didn’t take long

Well, I can see that adjusting to this sattvic diet is going to be a process of letting things go. For Christmas I got a jar of Sriracha chili glaze (more of a paste, really). Who could be so ungrateful as to throw that out? [Edit: I did it. Tried it last night, and although it was awesome, I put the rest down the drain. My inner spice lover weeps.]

Then there’s coffee, the staff of life.

Of less importance, there’s that jar of pickled watermelon jelly, also a gift. It sounds pretty awful, even to me. Maybe I should try it on rice this evening, just to make sure. [Edit: Didn’t try it after all. I’m going to bring it to the office along with the hot pepper jelly to see if anybody wants it. Chances are, I’m the only one. They’re all so … normal.]

I do sense how spicy foods and stimulants agitate the body and mind. They’ll have to go if I’m serious about making this change. My prescription meds do a pretty good job of flattening out the agitated highs and agitated lows, but I’m curious to see what this change of diet might do for my mental state. Time will tell. [Speaking of which, it’s time to take my meds.]

Maybe I won’t be a fundamentalist about this. My estranged wife and I have a Platonic date planned next month at an Indian restaurant. Spi-zy! Might as well live it up.

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Trying a sattvic diet

I’ve decided to try keeping a sattvic diet, which is also called a yogic diet. It’s been described as consisting of foods that leave us feeling calm, alert and refreshed. I’m a little leery of Hindu philosophy and medicine but it can’t hurt to put it to the test.

Since separating from my wife (not my idea!) I also have a lot of time on my hands so I’m giving hatha yoga another try. Years ago I took a yoga course at a Sivananda yoga center, so that’s the approach that resonates with me now.

My wife calls them the Orthodox among yoga schools, because they have all the “smells and bells” just like the Orthodox Church does. It figures I would be drawn to them. With me, everything’s black or white. Or has been. I’m trying to change that, and my medication cocktail really helps.

I kept a vegan diet for all of 2016 so I have no doubt that I can do this now.

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What is this?

This is the blog of a person with (treated) bipolar disorder. It seems to be under control but this has definitely been a year of turmoil: my mother died and my wife of 19 years told me to get out. I’m renting a room and working two jobs, but occasionally I have time to post some thoughts and that’s what this blog is for.

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